Ambition

You gotta have ambition to have purpose in life.

This is what i believe in. A person without ambition, or drive, is like a feather drifting in the wind. Ambition need not necessarily translate into big earth shaking ideas or achievements. Simple short term goals would do. Something to give us hope and something for us to look forward to and to work towards.

I get bored easily during the holidays, which is why i hardly bother going home for long periods and instead prefer staying on campus, working on my research, which btw, is on hiatus indefinitely until i can find the time to pick it up again.

Makes me feel bad sometimes to make claims for hours spent in the lab in front of the microscope, testing pump designs that end up failing and being frustrated when something Suky and I designed which we were sure would work, ends up failing. Or gets clogged up with particles rendering 4 hours effort in making it going to waste. Gah.

Am so looking forward to my internship next semester.

Applied to Mazda in Hiroshima, Japan. Never been to Japan before. Dad is of opinion its a plastic society, with its Hello Kitties and cute-sy stuff and quirky vending machines which seem to have no purpose other than putting small sundry shops out of business.

If i do get it, I will be part of a team working on a new mazda prototype. I don't expect to have an active role in designing components for it, honestly do not think a major car company is going to let an intern handle stuff like that. According to a senior who's been on this trip, its pretty fun, with free trips to parts of Japan like Tokyo.

Its a good deal though, I don't get paid, but everything is covered from flight tickets to phone bills and apartment rental and food allowance. Whee, i can take my road bike then and need not worry about extra cost in transporting it =)

Got shortlisted by NTU last week and my name's on some list that's been sent to Japan for consideration. *crosses fingers*

I really want this. Singapore is fine, but have absolutely no intention of living here for the rest of my life. Not a really good place to raise a family in my opinion. Australia is the most ideal. I really want to live in Melbourne or Sydney. Perth's fine too.

Guess its something about the liberal state of affairs in Australia. Singapore has an absymal history of social and political freedom. You can't say what you want freely and i think this will be the downfall of this country in the long run. The singapore model works currently, as this nation is still developing and needs a firm guide and LKY has done wonders with his iron fisted rule of law. I respect that. But there has to come a time for him to just let go. Frankly i don't see that happening anytime soon.

Anyway, am going to bed. Been a long day =))

Cheers from the:

Matrix

Punishing Thursday

Just got "initiated" by the NTU road team. And i was unfortunate enough to be caught in a ride with the sickest bunch of riders NTU has to offer barring one psycho who happily did not turn up.

Was amused to see my machine being prod and looked at from all angles as comments about the retro bars and cranks were made. And then they grinned at each other and insructed me to draft The Machine, a sick psycho individual with the ability to keep pedalling away at over 35kmh non stop and never lets up.

Let me clarify a few terms here for the benefits of non cyclists. To go fast easily, road riders draft each other in a pack. The group forms into a line or in a v shape, with the apex or front being taken up by a strong rider. This chap cuts the air in front, shielding the riders behind him from air resistance and allowing them to follow in his slipstream enabling everyone to ride fast.

In the even the lead rider tires down, he drops to the rear and the one directly behind him takes over.

We pushed at over 30km/h for 60km, at least i did. The 3 sickest fellas just pushed on and left me in the care of a willing roadie, and at this point i felt weak and useless. No matter, pushed on we did past the cold lonely backroads at Newtie past Sembawang and into the torturous gradients of Mandai and into Upper Thomson, and I ended up getting lost near Newtie.

Entirely my fault actually for giving up and slacking , totally unaware that my the main 3 riders were still pushing hard and so was my company and then i found myself all alone at 9.30pm on the dual carriageway famous flanked by dense bush and darkness, the lonely backroads of Singapore famous for contributing a lot towards the large collection of Russel Lee stories of the supernatural.

Cycled slowly, just trying to survive and keep going, and then it hit me. A section of road where mist rolled , blurring the yellow street lights, where a sudden cold blast of air hit me from the front, quickly enveloping me. Broke out in cold sweat, and then as if possesed, geared my ultegras all the way up, and started pedalling furiously.

Came across a taxi in front, and simply overtook aqnd flew past him. Heard a loud angry honk, and looked down at my speedo:

53.3km/h

Let up and caem across a lone rider waiting in the darkness, Nearly flipped out thinking supernatural thoughts and heard the familiar call of "YUVA!".

And so we pushed on into NTU, and then these sick idiots made an unexpected turn up the SBS slope, for all intents and purposes, to burn up their remaining energy and mental strength before getting food and drinks.

Died again, got off my bike and walked up, cursing and swearing loudly with every step.

Damn, I am so weak......

Cheers from a not so feeling strong,

Matrix

Right, we all know Malaysia's Judicial System is corrupted, so what about Singapore's?

Being Malaysian, and totally fed up with the dismal state of political affairs at home, i have officially given up on commenting/writing about/discussing about how deep corruptions runs in the very fibre of Malaysian politics and how despite claims that Malaysia is "racially harmonious and fair" the truth is very much the opposite.

I have always been curious about politics. Not the good stuff, the good politics that work and do benefit the people. But more of the bad stuff. The hidden away dirty crimes beneath the facade of skyscrapers and claims of a first world status.

Yes, Singapore. For all intents and purposes, it is very much my home. I have been solidly based here, and never do i crave for home apart from the food and my family.

That being said, it is only natural for one who is seriously considering becoming Singaporean to find out as much as he can about the politics of this tiny red dot that could. And what better place than to start off with its Judicial System?

In a true democracy and first world nation, the Judicial body is an independent entity. The judge is above even the leaders of the nation, and it is unthinkable for a judge to be the crony of the ruling party.

The Judicial system must answer to standards set by the International bar Association to before it can claim itself to be one of the best in the world. And fyi, Singapore's system is not popular with them, nor with Reporters without Borders .

Allow me to be clear here. No system is perfect. There is corruption everywhere (do correct me if i am wrong). But in a nation claiming to be a democracy, a nation that holds itself to the highest standards of law and order and living standards, this should be minimal.

Moreover, government interference in the judicial proceedings should be absolutely 100% zero, which in Singapore's case, is very much in doubt.

I have to choose my words carefully here to avoid some form of backlash in case some high ranking government offical stumbles across this blog and decides to take me out or something.

SEE!

The very fact that i fear persection from writing a harmless blog post voising my thoughts is testimonial to the lack of freedom of expression and speech in Singapore. Small wonder many of today's Singaporean youth have absolutely no interest in government as long as they are not harassed by it. Small wonder the number of young people wanting to enter politics is minimal.

Singaporeans just want to earn a buck. National pride that goes beyond complying to laws and singing the singapore pledge is hard to find. This saddens me. I expected so much more from a tiny island that has put 2 world class universities on the top 80 of the times list within the span of 20 years.

I have said enough, read this blog for a different take on Singapore. It may not be 100% accurate, but do open up your mind and read something of a different flavour than the regular Straits Times and New Paper.

Read here

Cheers from the,

Matrix

must......have.....it.......

I have seen the light. The intoxicating sensation of easy speed. The sexy curves. The drop down or bull bars. The blissful rapid clicks of rolling bearings. The silent whoosh and sudden acceleration from a hard push. The trendiness of it all.

Sorry mtb-ers, i've fallen in love with the enemy. The ones who wear clothes that no sane man should wear that reveals every minute detail of the anatomy. The group of people who care for nothing other than speed and distance and candence. The group that can never be as technical as us or as tough and hardy as us out in the wilderness.

I officially admit. I LOVE ROAD BIKES.

Was dead set on buying one today, a low end one to play with. Ended up trying both the low end and a 1200SGD bike. Its true what they say. Buy a good road bike and use it for life. Buy a crap one and end up spending more upgrading.

It shall have to wait then, but i will get one. Must have it........

Cheers from the,

Matrix

Women are tiresome....

I finally sat down at watched "Twilight" at 2 am after finishing off my day's quota for hitting the books. Yeah, its the one week study break and i want to score well this semester.

On another note, i am snappy and easily irritable of late. Its one of those moods where anyone apart from my really close friends can tick me off when they act dumb and irrational and just end up wasting my time.

Women to be more specific.

I like helping people. I don't do it to feel good about myself, i really want to help when someone asks me for it. I think its utter selfishness when you're in a position to make someone's life just that little bit easier and you don't, simply cause it happens to be a tad bit inconvenient for yourself.

Selfish idiots piss me off, but that's another story....

I understand women bitch and often they just want a listening ear. I totally understand this, and i oblige as is the normal protocol. To read this (especially if you are a woman) might cause you to think of me as a rather mechanical, emotionally dead person , who follows a set norm that makes up what one might call "a normal behavioural pattern"

You see, i know how to be nice. Its knowledge i gained through my years as a bad tempered person, and the nice person you see now is nothing more than an uber hot tempered individual exercising a heavy amount of self control rather easily to avoid hurting someone's feelings.

I can explode when i want to, and trust me , when i do, its because you jolly well deserve it. I know when i am right. And when i know i am right, i will defend that fiercely.

Back to bitching women....

So, a friend of mine finds me online, and she asks if i have time to talk to about her boyfriend. I oblige, being free at that moment, a kind of lull period in my normal study routine.

She tells me her problems, I listen, and i do the next natural thing. I dispense solutions based on what i know of men. I do know a lot, me being one and all.....

I suggest she talks over her issues with her boyfriend, and its got to be a serious mature talk, not one overflowing with emotion. She says this which pisses me off:

"Why should i try to solve this? He's the guy, he should know how i feel, sense it and come after me"

And that made me snap.

Don't get me wrong. She is usually a very nice person. Just a bitch sometimes.

I ignored her, not wanting to hurt her with my ready arsenal of sharp retorts. She nudges me, keep nudging me, and i snapped:

"I'm not your bloody boyfriend. You don't want to take my advice and you have the audacity to still bug me when obviously this conversation is over. If you want your bf to take hints about your emotional state, why don't you start with trying to sense how i feel? I took time , one bloody hour talking to you despite being busy, i put in 100% effort and devoted all my attention to solving your bf problems, and you blow me off in the end and you don't even value my advice. People like you make me thank the heavens i am spared the nonsense that is a relationship and the heartache and emotional cost. Screw this, i'm going back to my books. You are so not worth my time."

I have no regrets. Someone has to tell her that she can hurt people if she continues doing what she is doing. And if she does not change, that relationship of hers is going to end. She can hate me for what i said. I don't care. I have closer friends who truly understand how i operate, people i can talk to rationally and know me.

Sometimes, chivalry and gentlemanliness goes out the window and you just have to be practical. Ladies, please leave your notions of a patient, gentle , kind Yuva at the door. I am not always nice and I do have a breaking point. Please understand this.

When i give advice, LISTEN. If you think i am wrong, correct me! But don't ignore it as if all i said was a waste of time. And please don't give me the line, "You just don't understand women."

I do. And don't underestimate me. People like me are nice because we know how to treat a lady. We do tend to go a bit overboard sometimes with too many jokes, but generally we are not jerks. But we do snap, and when we do, you will hate us, because it will hurt more when i lose it with you.

I'm going to bed. Its been a long day and I have to look forward to more emo-ing women tmr...

The Matrix

When i look back, i wonder if guardian angels really are true....

I ride a bicycle and yes, i am one of those rare Malaysian youths without a driver's license. Now my family, more specifically my mom, has the idea that bicycles on roads are suicide. Which is probably why she's constantly nagging me not to ride on the roads.

"Do you want to fall and break an arm?"

Yeah ....... fast forward a month after she uttered those words after reluctantly granting me permission to get my first proper non-rusting aluminium hardtail mountain bicycle (my previous one was an Aleoca my aunt bought for me to share with my cousins, which btw rusted to bits in her house. Loved that bike) , i had landed myself in hospital with the constant disapproving looks from my elder brother to keep me company on a daily basis.

What followed was a tongue lashing from my mom and a "toughen up, athletes go through this" from my dad and a blanket ban on anything with 2 wheels.

Now i am utterly stubborn. While my arm was still in a sling, i felt ready to oblige my mother's order to me to sell my Jamis. I even posted an ad online offering to let it go for SGD450 , a 150 dollar knockdown price from its true value. Yes, its a good bicycle, albeit a bit heavy.

This decision took a U-turn as i got fitter and my legs itched to feel the familiar burn from pedalling at the utmost limit and i sneakily started riding again.

My mom, being the telepathic wonder-woman she was, found out, and what followed was a 2 month silent disapproval mood until she finally relented seeing that this was one aspect of my life she really had no say in.

I took my hobby a little further and jumped on circulating rumors that a NTU cycling team was being set up. Found the chap who was doing it, and hopped on the bandwagon and smack into a new clique of like minded people, some nutters, but fun nevertheless.

All was going jolly, i had even forgotten that short stint in hospital.

And then i had a nasty reminder of how negligent i had become, which got me into NUH in the first place.

Its recess week on campus at the moment. One week of freedom to catch up on lectures and to prepare for tests after the break. And after figuring out Dynamics and Control, Machine Component Design and touching a bit on Advanced C programming, that familiar itch came back, and despite me knowing i really should not be cycling alone, i decided anyway to ride a few laps around Lim Chu Kang, an wide open road outside the university, with 8km of glorious painful road per lap.

Completed 3 laps, and then decided to push up into campus and up the same hill where i had my accident. Pushed all the way up, feeling good about myself, and then proceeded to ride down the otherside as fast as i can.

And as i was zooming towards the same sharp turn at the beginning of the South Academic Complex, a pedestrian crossed the road, and i checked my speed and came to a hurried stop. Let his pass, and tried to push off again. And lo behold, the same brakes that had jammed the first time , cauing me to flip my bike and crash into the road at 30kmh had jammed yet again. Took one look, freaked out, dislodged the brakes and wheeled the bicycle down the hill back to hall.

Had that pedestrian not crossed at that exact time, had i not braked when i was not at my maximum speed before the turn, I would have flipped again, and this time, i would not have been so lucky.

Yes, lucky.

Cause back in March, i was riding at 11.30pm, the roads were wet, my tyres were not as good as the WTB Motoraptors i'm currently using, I had no phone to call for help, nor had I water for dehydration.

Had I landed on my head and not on my arm, I would not be here today. Had campus security not happened to chance by 5 minutes later, i would have gone into shock and suffered from blood loss. If a car was coming up that slope just as i crashed, i would have been run over. Had Garen, Raj and Ain not been in the South Spine studying at that moment, campus security would have no idea who i was. Had i not been operated on in a hurry, my arm could have been infected from by the tar and grit that was coating the end of the bone happily poking its way through the flesh.

So many things could have gone horrible wrong. And it all only hit me as i was wheeling my bicycle back to hall.

Yes, i admit now, my arm is not fully back to normal. Every now and then it hurts a little when i stay for long in an air-conditioned room as the metals contract. But i gotta thank my lucky stars that not only is it in one piece, but retains the same strength as before.

Cheers from a feeling lucky,

Matrix

Something new.....

This semester has a lot of "new" for me.

Emerged from the wreckage of last semester, grittier and less of a "lay down and accept a situation" kind of person. And i got to hand it to the hospitalisation and medical insurance shenanigans for this.

I have learnt:

a - Always wear a freaking helmet when you ride. Luckily my skull emerged intact from hospital

b - Always check your bike's braks before pushing off

c - The minute someone from an insurance company tries to blow you off, give it to them.

d - Its possible to have a showdown with the Hall Office and win.

You see, i leave my bicycle outside my room in the hallway as such:



And the hall office does not like this since we are not allowed to leave personal items outside in the hallway. I argued in return that it is unfair for the hall office to force us to leave expensive bicycles at the bicycle shed and NOT be held liable for any damage done to the bicycle or loss of the bicycle from the shed. And then i argued, i can park the bicycle flush against the room wall , on the same side as the dustbin and it would not obstruct the hallway more than what a dustbin already does.

They never replied, and so my bicycle and me are left alone =]


Oh, something new, I finally joined a team i can commit to and want to commit to:

The team

The training is punishing for the mountain bikers. Cause our bikes are heavy and we need to push them for about Fifty clicks at around thirty km/h average , just so we can keep within reasonable distance of the much faster and lighter road bikes.

Its good though. Am with a bunch of like minded nutters, absolutely passionate about a sport and committed as well. I finally spilt the beans to mom about me riding again, and being part of a team. She kind of frowned and then gave in.

Moms are easily swayed.

And so, yes. We mountain bikers are well on the way to becoming ultra fast riders, and will easily beat any other mtb rider on the road. Though i do admit, out offroad riding is pretty minimal so far, need to go on the trails more....

and so,


Cheers from the,


Matrix