must......have.....it.......

I have seen the light. The intoxicating sensation of easy speed. The sexy curves. The drop down or bull bars. The blissful rapid clicks of rolling bearings. The silent whoosh and sudden acceleration from a hard push. The trendiness of it all.

Sorry mtb-ers, i've fallen in love with the enemy. The ones who wear clothes that no sane man should wear that reveals every minute detail of the anatomy. The group of people who care for nothing other than speed and distance and candence. The group that can never be as technical as us or as tough and hardy as us out in the wilderness.

I officially admit. I LOVE ROAD BIKES.

Was dead set on buying one today, a low end one to play with. Ended up trying both the low end and a 1200SGD bike. Its true what they say. Buy a good road bike and use it for life. Buy a crap one and end up spending more upgrading.

It shall have to wait then, but i will get one. Must have it........

Cheers from the,

Matrix

Women are tiresome....

I finally sat down at watched "Twilight" at 2 am after finishing off my day's quota for hitting the books. Yeah, its the one week study break and i want to score well this semester.

On another note, i am snappy and easily irritable of late. Its one of those moods where anyone apart from my really close friends can tick me off when they act dumb and irrational and just end up wasting my time.

Women to be more specific.

I like helping people. I don't do it to feel good about myself, i really want to help when someone asks me for it. I think its utter selfishness when you're in a position to make someone's life just that little bit easier and you don't, simply cause it happens to be a tad bit inconvenient for yourself.

Selfish idiots piss me off, but that's another story....

I understand women bitch and often they just want a listening ear. I totally understand this, and i oblige as is the normal protocol. To read this (especially if you are a woman) might cause you to think of me as a rather mechanical, emotionally dead person , who follows a set norm that makes up what one might call "a normal behavioural pattern"

You see, i know how to be nice. Its knowledge i gained through my years as a bad tempered person, and the nice person you see now is nothing more than an uber hot tempered individual exercising a heavy amount of self control rather easily to avoid hurting someone's feelings.

I can explode when i want to, and trust me , when i do, its because you jolly well deserve it. I know when i am right. And when i know i am right, i will defend that fiercely.

Back to bitching women....

So, a friend of mine finds me online, and she asks if i have time to talk to about her boyfriend. I oblige, being free at that moment, a kind of lull period in my normal study routine.

She tells me her problems, I listen, and i do the next natural thing. I dispense solutions based on what i know of men. I do know a lot, me being one and all.....

I suggest she talks over her issues with her boyfriend, and its got to be a serious mature talk, not one overflowing with emotion. She says this which pisses me off:

"Why should i try to solve this? He's the guy, he should know how i feel, sense it and come after me"

And that made me snap.

Don't get me wrong. She is usually a very nice person. Just a bitch sometimes.

I ignored her, not wanting to hurt her with my ready arsenal of sharp retorts. She nudges me, keep nudging me, and i snapped:

"I'm not your bloody boyfriend. You don't want to take my advice and you have the audacity to still bug me when obviously this conversation is over. If you want your bf to take hints about your emotional state, why don't you start with trying to sense how i feel? I took time , one bloody hour talking to you despite being busy, i put in 100% effort and devoted all my attention to solving your bf problems, and you blow me off in the end and you don't even value my advice. People like you make me thank the heavens i am spared the nonsense that is a relationship and the heartache and emotional cost. Screw this, i'm going back to my books. You are so not worth my time."

I have no regrets. Someone has to tell her that she can hurt people if she continues doing what she is doing. And if she does not change, that relationship of hers is going to end. She can hate me for what i said. I don't care. I have closer friends who truly understand how i operate, people i can talk to rationally and know me.

Sometimes, chivalry and gentlemanliness goes out the window and you just have to be practical. Ladies, please leave your notions of a patient, gentle , kind Yuva at the door. I am not always nice and I do have a breaking point. Please understand this.

When i give advice, LISTEN. If you think i am wrong, correct me! But don't ignore it as if all i said was a waste of time. And please don't give me the line, "You just don't understand women."

I do. And don't underestimate me. People like me are nice because we know how to treat a lady. We do tend to go a bit overboard sometimes with too many jokes, but generally we are not jerks. But we do snap, and when we do, you will hate us, because it will hurt more when i lose it with you.

I'm going to bed. Its been a long day and I have to look forward to more emo-ing women tmr...

The Matrix

When i look back, i wonder if guardian angels really are true....

I ride a bicycle and yes, i am one of those rare Malaysian youths without a driver's license. Now my family, more specifically my mom, has the idea that bicycles on roads are suicide. Which is probably why she's constantly nagging me not to ride on the roads.

"Do you want to fall and break an arm?"

Yeah ....... fast forward a month after she uttered those words after reluctantly granting me permission to get my first proper non-rusting aluminium hardtail mountain bicycle (my previous one was an Aleoca my aunt bought for me to share with my cousins, which btw rusted to bits in her house. Loved that bike) , i had landed myself in hospital with the constant disapproving looks from my elder brother to keep me company on a daily basis.

What followed was a tongue lashing from my mom and a "toughen up, athletes go through this" from my dad and a blanket ban on anything with 2 wheels.

Now i am utterly stubborn. While my arm was still in a sling, i felt ready to oblige my mother's order to me to sell my Jamis. I even posted an ad online offering to let it go for SGD450 , a 150 dollar knockdown price from its true value. Yes, its a good bicycle, albeit a bit heavy.

This decision took a U-turn as i got fitter and my legs itched to feel the familiar burn from pedalling at the utmost limit and i sneakily started riding again.

My mom, being the telepathic wonder-woman she was, found out, and what followed was a 2 month silent disapproval mood until she finally relented seeing that this was one aspect of my life she really had no say in.

I took my hobby a little further and jumped on circulating rumors that a NTU cycling team was being set up. Found the chap who was doing it, and hopped on the bandwagon and smack into a new clique of like minded people, some nutters, but fun nevertheless.

All was going jolly, i had even forgotten that short stint in hospital.

And then i had a nasty reminder of how negligent i had become, which got me into NUH in the first place.

Its recess week on campus at the moment. One week of freedom to catch up on lectures and to prepare for tests after the break. And after figuring out Dynamics and Control, Machine Component Design and touching a bit on Advanced C programming, that familiar itch came back, and despite me knowing i really should not be cycling alone, i decided anyway to ride a few laps around Lim Chu Kang, an wide open road outside the university, with 8km of glorious painful road per lap.

Completed 3 laps, and then decided to push up into campus and up the same hill where i had my accident. Pushed all the way up, feeling good about myself, and then proceeded to ride down the otherside as fast as i can.

And as i was zooming towards the same sharp turn at the beginning of the South Academic Complex, a pedestrian crossed the road, and i checked my speed and came to a hurried stop. Let his pass, and tried to push off again. And lo behold, the same brakes that had jammed the first time , cauing me to flip my bike and crash into the road at 30kmh had jammed yet again. Took one look, freaked out, dislodged the brakes and wheeled the bicycle down the hill back to hall.

Had that pedestrian not crossed at that exact time, had i not braked when i was not at my maximum speed before the turn, I would have flipped again, and this time, i would not have been so lucky.

Yes, lucky.

Cause back in March, i was riding at 11.30pm, the roads were wet, my tyres were not as good as the WTB Motoraptors i'm currently using, I had no phone to call for help, nor had I water for dehydration.

Had I landed on my head and not on my arm, I would not be here today. Had campus security not happened to chance by 5 minutes later, i would have gone into shock and suffered from blood loss. If a car was coming up that slope just as i crashed, i would have been run over. Had Garen, Raj and Ain not been in the South Spine studying at that moment, campus security would have no idea who i was. Had i not been operated on in a hurry, my arm could have been infected from by the tar and grit that was coating the end of the bone happily poking its way through the flesh.

So many things could have gone horrible wrong. And it all only hit me as i was wheeling my bicycle back to hall.

Yes, i admit now, my arm is not fully back to normal. Every now and then it hurts a little when i stay for long in an air-conditioned room as the metals contract. But i gotta thank my lucky stars that not only is it in one piece, but retains the same strength as before.

Cheers from a feeling lucky,

Matrix

Something new.....

This semester has a lot of "new" for me.

Emerged from the wreckage of last semester, grittier and less of a "lay down and accept a situation" kind of person. And i got to hand it to the hospitalisation and medical insurance shenanigans for this.

I have learnt:

a - Always wear a freaking helmet when you ride. Luckily my skull emerged intact from hospital

b - Always check your bike's braks before pushing off

c - The minute someone from an insurance company tries to blow you off, give it to them.

d - Its possible to have a showdown with the Hall Office and win.

You see, i leave my bicycle outside my room in the hallway as such:



And the hall office does not like this since we are not allowed to leave personal items outside in the hallway. I argued in return that it is unfair for the hall office to force us to leave expensive bicycles at the bicycle shed and NOT be held liable for any damage done to the bicycle or loss of the bicycle from the shed. And then i argued, i can park the bicycle flush against the room wall , on the same side as the dustbin and it would not obstruct the hallway more than what a dustbin already does.

They never replied, and so my bicycle and me are left alone =]


Oh, something new, I finally joined a team i can commit to and want to commit to:

The team

The training is punishing for the mountain bikers. Cause our bikes are heavy and we need to push them for about Fifty clicks at around thirty km/h average , just so we can keep within reasonable distance of the much faster and lighter road bikes.

Its good though. Am with a bunch of like minded nutters, absolutely passionate about a sport and committed as well. I finally spilt the beans to mom about me riding again, and being part of a team. She kind of frowned and then gave in.

Moms are easily swayed.

And so, yes. We mountain bikers are well on the way to becoming ultra fast riders, and will easily beat any other mtb rider on the road. Though i do admit, out offroad riding is pretty minimal so far, need to go on the trails more....

and so,


Cheers from the,


Matrix

Musings and Thoughts in the dark

"And together, we roamed as one, her love undying, faithful to the end"

I was never really serious about anything to be frank except work. The female specie has baffled me, and i suspect they are as baffled as the male specie, but that's another story.

I have never been in a relationship, except with my brother and sister and my folks....and that's kind of mandatory if u come to think of it.

Not that it has affected me. Really. Was cycling with my newfound maniac mates from the NTU Cycling team a couple of nights ago and at the pitstop near Sembawang the topic shifted from hardcore training for possible races to girlfriends. And boy were the chaps surprised at my evergreen status. I wonder why. Is it not normal to not have a gf at twenty one?

Its not that i have not tried. I have. And things have not worked out, so i keep moving. I'm not hurt by the past, not ruffled by the , "Lets just be friends" sentence i have received thrice. I might come across as cold and a chap totally devoid of love and a sense of romance, but really, i am not affected. All i do is bury myself in work and my passions and i feel normal again.

Perhaps i'm too happy-go-lucky. Perhaps those i fell for thought i was never serious, and just a pal, a close friend whose there in times of need, one to rely on, a "nice guy" they say, yet one deemed more of a "brother" which roughly translates to "undatable".

Yes, nice guys do finish last. Its because they can't take risks. They don't want to. All they ever do is be the one who's there, one who offers a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand in times of need, and at the same time, "preserve the friendship" cause of course, its complicated when the one they like just happens to be a close friend.

The thing is, they know they're playing the game incorrectly. They know they have to make the move. And yes, they know that they will eventually lose out if all they do is pretend to be the platonic friend and never make the move until its too late.

But the thing is, they can't be blamed. They are wired differently. The priority for them is that noone gets hurt and things do not get awkward. The risk factor in their decision is almost nil. They always play safe. Don't get me wrong, a person who's wired this way will never hurt the one he loves and yes, they make good bf material.

But on first impressions, on the X-Factor, they come up short with a big fat zero. They lack it, and unless the girl happens to notice, or is one familiar with this topic, she picks up on it, otherwise, they get overlooked and swept aside for the tall ribbed chap with a great smile and sense of excitement.

LOL...

No, I am not sitting her emoing. I am about to start working on my CA questions due next week. This is a break. The above applies to me , yet not. I do admit, i take effort and yet play safe, but i don't pine, and i certainly move on. But for the duration i see a chance, i take effort, and hope the other party is responsive. If otherwise, i don't waste my time in an exercise in futility.

Its cold, and its unromantic. But i can't afford to mope when there is work to be done. Perhaps i have got my ideas wrong about this whole business. Perhaps not.

One thing i know is, that tutorial's not going to solve itself.

Cheers from the,

Matrix

Metallica - Turn The Page

I think Metallica's version is better than the original by Bob Seger. Much darker and emo....

A ghostly whoosh and silent clicking of gears filled this night

And on and on we pushed,

Braving the dark and the pain,

Pushing past 35,

While trying to stay alive

Divided we were, but united we were,

When the need arises,

In a pack we roamed,

Holding out a hand,

For those that fell,

While on this quest.

Yet, egos are aboud,

We push against the boundaries,

They claimed we would fall,

But pushed we did,

Averaging 30,

We ended with fried rice....

Just trying my hand at awful poetry. LOL

Cheers from the,

Matrix